Gist: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids (A book review)

A child psychologist and a pediatrician share candid observations from their combined 55 years of experience about the status of parenting in the United States. Less a comprehensive strategy for parenting and more a collection of maxims and spiels that have served these two during their careers. These 22 chapters are approachable and profound.

Gist: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids

Here are some highlights.

The difference between fun & joy—Fun is temporary. It’s pleasure does not last. It releases tension in the moment, but it does not provide lasting psychological benefits. Joy by contrast, is much harder to create but has staying power. Joy is created when something is invested, either in service to others or in achievement—a milestone is accomplished, a neighbor is served, an adventure is experienced. Joy requires investment. Fun-motivated kids will rarely experience the happiness that comes from joy, because they carom from amusement to amusement without stopping long enough to make the investments that would produce lasting joy.

The origins of self-esteem—Self-esteem is what you think of yourself in spite of your performance and others opinions. It cannot be built with affirmations or self-help literature. There are two prerequisites for self-esteem: love and an accurate self assessment. A loved person will tend to love themselves if they have an accurate understanding of themselves. To help your child build self-esteem, prove your love to them and be candid with them about what you see in them.

The danger of overparenting—Children grow on their own. They do not need to be pushed, only guided. Moms & dads of  normally developing children should only need to parent a few hours each month, when a child’s development needs to be directed. Many parents take a too active, too involved approach, creating dependency and stifling the growth that would otherwise occur naturally.

Best enjoyed with a spouse, this book would make a great topic of discussion for a date night or twelve.